today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
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You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
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So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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