i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
