Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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