mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
