Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
