you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
