what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
