dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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