I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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