I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
