You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
