At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
