We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
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Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
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I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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