just tell him i said nine months
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
