Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Do vagina's smell?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
