Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
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well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
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My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
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