apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
