i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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