Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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