discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
