nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
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