I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
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