Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
