Apparently you make a good broom.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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