well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Randomize
