we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Randomize
