I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
