you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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