He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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