i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
