I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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