Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
