If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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