Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
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