This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
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