I'm really into asian looking animals
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
