I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize