I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
