Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
