I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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