I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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