Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
