They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Everclear isn't food dammit
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
