Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
