Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
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