we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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