Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
