I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
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