That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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