3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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