You smell like stripper and shame
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
