Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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