Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
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