Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
