You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
