votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
