he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
