i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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