she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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