My boss' voice literally gives me gas
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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