Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Someone shattered a urinal.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
