Whod you bang
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
