I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
the liver wants what the liver wants
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
