I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
