It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
