haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
