oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
you win again, gameday.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
