he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
