i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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