it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
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