i barfeds in our rink
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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