Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
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There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I'm too high and old for this...
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