apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
