I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
