wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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