so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
