We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
