apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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