she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
tell me about the fingering
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