she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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