mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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